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Odysseus and the Big Mac
As my men docked the boat onto the shore of the small island we had drifted towards, I turned to my men and ordered two of them to search for anything worthwhile and not to consume any food if they found it. They ran off, and disappeared into the woods that cut off the sandy beach.
After only a mere five minutes, my two men ran back to our boat. Their arms were filled with the luggage of small eggs and hamburgers.
"King Odysseus!" One of them cried to me in joy, King Odysseus, watch! The man gave to other one of the eggs and as they broke it open, to my surprise came a hamburger out of the shell! It looked just like the ones they were carrying!
"Where did you find these?" I asked with suspicion.
The man that broke open the burger's egg spoke, "In a field, just passed the small wood here. There are millions of burgers and eggs there!"
I jumped over the boats edge and grasped one of the hamburgers, "It doesn't look harmful..." I murmured to myself, "So it should be eatable." I turned to the rest of my men and said, "Follow these two to the field with the food!"
My men erupted into cheers and jumped off the ship and ran into the woods in a large throng. I smiled at their antics and followed them from the end.
When I reached the clearing I was far behind all the others. For they were already sitting on the ground and consuming their food, like starving men who have not had anything to eat for over a week and had just been invited into a king's feast, filled with all royalty delicacies that the starving man had not enjoyed until now.
I bent down to pick up one of the burgers by my feet, about to take a bite out of the cooked cow; I looked at my men again. I did a double take for what I saw surprised me. My men, all of their muscle was leaving and quickly turning into fat! And they just kept eating despite this attribute!
"Why are you not eating, Odysseus, man who won the Trojan War?"
I looked up to where the voice came from; on top of the cliff that overlooked the meadow was a giant Big Mac! He looked down at me, smiling down at me.
"What is going on? Why are my men getting larger every time they take a bite of the burger? And how are you able to talk?" I questioned the greasy patty.
The Big Mac let out a laugh that sounded like a roar, "It was a mage who made me able to talk. No one ever told him not to play with his food! Why don't you eat Odysseus? It must've been a long journey for you to wash upon my island."
"Is that how they are gaining so much weight? By eating these burgers?" I asked, glancing at my men.
The greased patty smirked at me, "Yes, that is one of my powers. Rapid obesity, artery clogging, and appetite control."
"So you make my men eat these and you gain control of their bodies and that allows you to make them hungry?" I concluded into a question.
"It'll all be answered, if you just eat that burger in your hand. It is my child, and I assure you that it will please you, King Odysseus," He smiled, causing some of the sauce to drip down the sides like small beaded snails.
"I'm not very hungry," I lied, feeling my stomach ache with hunger.
The Big Mac frowned down to me, "Odysseus, you should eat. Or your men will pay for it."
I raised an eyebrow at this, and suddenly I heard a few of them starting to wheeze. I whipped my body in the direction to see them beating their chests and erupting into spasms of shaking. Then they dropped to the ground, gasping for air like a child falling deeper into the ocean and cannot swim to the top.
"Stop, stop!" I pleaded, gripping the hamburger in my hand, "I will eat your food." My men suddenly stopped and resumed with eating at my words.
The Big Mac gave out another boisterous laugh that resembled a roar as I dug my teeth into the food. I chewed it thoughtfully, setting a plan I had into motion. I took care not to swallow any of the food.
"You are a noble man, Odysseus of Ithaca!" The Big Mac roared again with a deep, hearty laugh.
And as he laughed, I reeled my arm back and threw the half-eaten burger. The greased patty was too busy laughing, that the burger sailed straight down his throat and into his stomach. He immediately ceased his laughing and growled, "ODYSSEUS!"
I gazed at my men to see they had stopped, and were now moaning in pain for all the food they had engulfed. Then their fat was starting to evaporate, like a mere drop of water landing on the suns surface. Their muscle had returned and they were now the warriors I knew.
"ODYSSEUS! YOU SHALL PAY!" The greasy patty roared, leaping off the cliff and landing on the ground, causing a large tremor.
"Hurry! Get back to the ship!" I commanded as the Big Mac charged at us, every warrior turned on their heels and ran into the woods. I stood my ground and waited.
"NOW YOU SHALL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, ODYSSEUS!" He roared once more, but as he continued to charge, he noticed the burgers left on the ground. He gave an injured sounding wail as he shifted his gaze from me to the burgers repeatedly; he then attacked his own children. Devouring them in clumps, and unearthing some of the grass and dirt along with.
I quickly turned around and ran into the woods and onto the ship. I ordered my men to take us away, leaving the Big Mac in the clearing to forever more devour his own children to feed his own hunger.